Table of Contents
What is the fear of rejection?
Fear of rejection is a common and internalized feeling and one of the most common fears people have. This fear can lead to avoidance of intimate relationships, withdrawal from social activities, or other maladaptive behaviors. There are many theories as to how and why people developed this fear. Some say that human beings are social animals and that we are, therefore, hardwired to avoid rejection. Others state that we are genetically programmed to seek healthy relationships to survive. Perceived rejection can also be an irrational fear. Whatever the reason, the consequences of this fear are genuine. It causes people to miss out on great opportunities and can lead a person to a life of isolation.
Rejection is the feeling of being turned away or not accepted by another person, group, or organization. Rejection can be a powerful feeling – so strong that it can make you feel devastated, rejected, or unaccepted. Rejection can be very distressing, but it’s not an uncommon feeling. It can happen in many situations: in romance, at work, or any time you feel you’re not being accepted for who you are.
We can also describe the fear of rejection as the fear of being an undesired focus of others, occupying a position that does not meet expectations, subject to others’ decision, and being subject to criticism or rejection from other people.
This fear can be considered as a common anxiety disorder that affects individuals differently. Some will fear rejection when entering new relationships, such as love or sex, and some may experience the fear of rejection more frequently in an established relationship (intimacy phobia).
The causes of fear of rejection may range from things as simple as having a genetic condition that the individual thinks makes them undesirable to others to life events where they were rejected or unloved as a child.
They may have been subjected to harsh, unkind words or actions as a child, or they could have never been introduced to healthy, accepted ways of disagreeing or conflict resolution. There are many other possible causes.
The critical thing to know is that once the fear of rejection starts to take hold, it can lead to serious emotional issues that affect our ability to love ourselves and love others. This can have a devastating effect on our mental health and our ability to enjoy life. The fear can turn you into a people pleaser for the rest of your life if left unaddressed.
In the beginning, we were not afraid of rejection. We grew, after all, in a world without the Internet. We had to earn each other’s praise, and a word of encouragement here or there made us happy. Somewhere along the way, however, we learned to value the opinions of others. Many of us are so scared of being rejected that we don’t even try to do things that will put us in a position to be judged. Fear of rejection has many forms, from the fear of telling a co-worker we like their new haircut to the fear of asking for a promotion at work.
One of the most common reactions to rejection is experiencing intense fear and anxiety when the situation occurs again. We may worry that we will be hurt again. And we may feel ashamed or embarrassed.
In a society where appearance is everything, many people suffer from deep, subconscious feelings of inadequacy and shame when they experience rejection. They worry that other people will notice their problems, that they will be laughed at or become a subject of ridicule. They may even start to avoid situations where they might have to answer the question, “What are you doing?” directly. These feelings are extremely debilitating for those who experience them.
If you are a person experiencing these painful feelings, you will want to know how to deal with them to move forward with your life.
Being rejected by someone or something is a universal feeling. Whether it’s a job interview you didn’t get, a group of friends that didn’t accept you, or a potential suitor who didn’t like you back, there’s no escaping it. However, the way you handle rejection can make all the difference in your emotional and physical well-being. Being able to cope with rejection and learn from it will lead to a more prosperous life and a healthier mental state.
Fear of rejection as a common and internalized feeling
As a society, we very much value independence. We want to be successful individuals, but that very desire can be a bit of a paradox. When we approach situations as if we must succeed at all costs, we’re setting ourselves up for the classic fear of rejection.
You must remember, rejection is hard to handle. You might be rejected for a job, or a date, or a business deal, or a raise. You might be rejected by a committee, or by your parents, or by the government. It’s never nice to have someone reject you, and it can be hard to deal with, especially when you internalize it. You tend to think about what you might have done wrong and focus on the negative. You think about how things might have gone differently and how much you might have wanted things to go your way. You might wonder about what you might have done to deserve rejection.
It’s hard not to feel hurt and angry. And it’s hard to not think about what you could’ve done or what you would do differently next time. And it’s hard not to believe that you’re not good enough for other people.
Fear of Rejection in Relationships
Fear of rejection in relationships is not uncommon. Most couples will experience romantic rejection from time to time. However, when the fear becomes persistent and excessive, it could signal a significant problem that you need to resolve urgently.
Being rejected by a loved one is one of the most painful experiences anyone can go through. It is not only emotionally painful but can lead to physical pain and can be very difficult to get over. The hurt caused by rejection in a romantic relationship or from a loved one can be devastating and cause you to wonder why it happened and what you did wrong.
Some of the common signs of fear of rejection may include being uncomfortable with talking about problems in your relationship; avoiding confiding in your partner, feeling like there is no hope for improvement in your relationship; and feeling dejected when you think of the possibility of being rejected. If these signs are occurring in your relationship, it’s essential to work through them to avoid making the situation worse.
Most people feel fear of rejection in relationships when they have been hurt in some way. The risk of rejection is part of growing up and is almost guaranteed in any relationship. But some people let this fear of rejection get the best of them.
They become too self-critical and believe that they deserve every negative thing that happens to them. If you let rejection control your life, you will experience a significant loss instead of focusing on the positive things about your relationships. Letting the fear grow means you will experience a lot of painful feelings.
The fear of rejection can also lead to a sense of hopelessness and jealousy. You may start to question whether or not you will ever be able to gain the respect of your significant other. If this is what happens to you, you may start to take your partner for granted and believe that you don’t deserve them. The fear makes it difficult to rekindle a loving relationship with your long-term partner.
When the fear of rejection in relationships starts to set in, one of the first things you should do is identify what is causing the anxiety. For instance, if your fear is simply connected to the fact that you don’t know if or when you will find the person of your dreams, you are likely to reject someone early on in the relationship. This is known as the fear of uncertainty. As scary as that sounds, it is a common human emotion that some need to develop successful relationships.
If you want to avoid rejection, then you need to work on your fear of rejection. It doesn’t matter what is causing the anxiety. The important thing is to eliminate fear. It is easier said than done. You may consider engaging in life coaching.
To get rid of rejection in life coaching, you need to focus on and understand your fears. For instance, if you fear talking to strangers, you need to practice asking open-ended questions in front of a mirror. The mirror will help reveal the fears that you are hiding within. With enough practice, you will be able to overcome your fears. After you have overcome the fear, it is time to work on building trust.
You can build trust by practising being present with the other person. When you are with the person, ask them about themselves and any background information about them. You may even have some specific questions about the person that you want them to answer. However, this should not take the place of an open and honest discussion about the relationship. At some point during the conversation, you need to be able to say, “I am interested in getting to know this person more.”
People often use fear of rejection in relationships as a means of shielding themselves from their vulnerability. However, this does not have to be the case. After you have worked on getting over the fear, you and the other person in the relationship can start sharing more personal feelings. When this happens, the two of you will fully understand one another and will no longer feel the need to put the other person on a pedestal. You will develop self-confidence, courage and honesty in your relationship.
Rejection sensitivity
One of the uncomfortable emotions underpinning the fear of rejection is rejection sensitivity. This term describes the typical emotional reaction that a person has when they feel that they are being rejected, ignored, or left out.
People who are rejection sensitive tend to be overly concerned with what others think of them and fear that others want to hurt or embarrass them. While it is normal to be exposed to social rejection, rejection sensitive people tend to have the belief that they are more likely to be rejected than others.
People who are rejection sensitive lack effective coping strategies, and as a result, they are more likely to develop clinical anxiety or depression. Those who are rejection sensitive tend to have low self esteem and are more likely to have experienced bullying, abuse, and trauma at an early age. The symptoms of sensitivity to rejection include an inflated sense of self-importance, low self-esteem and self-doubt.
Are you too sensitive?
There’s a lot of confusion around the concept of “being too sensitive.” Some people think it means you’re overly emotional-you cry at the drop of a hat and are easily moved to joy or anger. But that’s not always the case. Being too sensitive might make you isolated, shy or suspicious.
You know you are too sensitive if when things go wrong, you take it too personally and think the whole world is against you. You don’t try to see the bigger picture or understand why things happened. Instead, you stay in a negative mindset and get stuck in a rut.
Rejection sensitivity is learned and may result from childhood trauma (usually bullying) and a lack of social skills and self-esteem. While many things can explain why someone is rejection sensitive, one of the leading underlying causes is usually a fear of being abandoned.
What does emotional abandonment look like?
In many cases, abandonment issues begin in childhood. When one or both parents are unavailable physically or emotionally, children start to feel like they are being rejected or left by the very people who are supposed to love them most, their parents and family. To help calm and soothe rejection feelings, children with abandonment issues learn to seek approval and affection from others. Unfortunately, this can lead to co-dependency in adulthood.
Emotional abandonment can be a devastating experience for children, and it can also happen to adults.
Abandonment can occur when:
If you have experienced emotional abandonment, you need to know what to expect and how to cope.
What are the signs of abandonment issues?
Many people who have grave abandonment issues have no idea that they do.
People with abandonment issues tend to develop certain behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that can make it difficult for them to function at work and in relationships.
One of the most common signs that you may have abandonment issues is the instinct to jump to conclusions regarding your relationships. For example, you may find yourself assuming that your significant other is not faithful or that your friend is mad at you. You may even find yourself believing that no one wants to be around you.
Do you feel a sense of emptiness and longing, even when you have people around you? Do you feel a strong sense of loneliness and an inability to trust others? Do you feel like you have an emptiness that is hard to fill? If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions, then you have serious abandonment issues.
You should watch out for some symptoms, such as feeling like a failure or feeling like you are a terrible person. Abandonment issues can also manifest themselves as anger issues, a fear of rejection, or a fear of intimacy. No matter how you deal with your problems, it is vital to get help immediately if you are feeling suicidal or having thoughts of seriously hurting yourself or someone else.
What are some underlying causes for operating out of a fear of rejection?
The psychology underlying operating out of a fear of rejection is complicated, but it can occur due to various factors. The fear of rejection generally starts with your parents, siblings, and other close friendships. The fear is that certain people will reject you.
The operating fear can also stem from early life situations, where you were reprimanded when you did something wrong or made a mistake. Or you were not rewarded when you did something good or right. Your brain stores these memories in the pleasure circuit and they become stale with time.
Your fear of rejection may be rooted in your childhood experiences. You may have been taught to hide your perceived weaknesses from others, so you will hide things that bother you as an adult.
A person with this type of fear can have a tough time in life. They tend not to want to be involved in social activities that could put them in a position where they could be rejected. This often includes dating but also other social activities such as school or business networking events.
This is an issue for those who suffer from the fear of rejection because it may make them very lonely. They may have a hard time with people, even if they offer help or support.
The consequences of fear of rejection
There are numerous consequences of the fear of rejection. First, this fear can deter us from taking risks and pursuing our passions. It can prevent us from taking ownership of our self-worth. It can paralyze us from being worthy of love and intimacy in relationships
One of the most detrimental effects is being shy around people. You may feel that people will reject you, and thus you become fearful of showing your affection in public. You may also become very self-conscious, worried that your behavior might hurt someone’s feelings
Fear of being rejected by a romantic interest, a group, or even by a stranger can keep you from doing the things you enjoy, and it can make your life pretty miserable. Being rejected can lead to social isolation, depression, and even suicidal thoughts, so it’s essential to know how to manage this fear.
Social rejection is one of the most challenging forms of living experience. When someone is in a social setting and are suddenly rejected or excluded by others, it can be challenging for the rejected person to get over these feelings of distress.
Those who have this fear are terrified to be criticized, ignored or ridiculed by others. They may go out of their way to avoid participation in activities or events involving other people, thus engaging in a lifestyle of ostracism.
The experts say that this fear’s effects can lead to physical and mental health issues such as depression and heart disease. They also report that this fear affects how people choose friends, potential partners and the activities in which they participate. If you are currently having such experiences, then you should consult with a mental health professional.
A person’s fear of rejection may lead them to control their self-esteem by making sure they never fail at any activity in which they take part. Sufferers of fear of rejection are usually very creative and intelligent, but their anxiety makes it impossible for them to achieve their full potential for success.
A person who fears actual rejection experiences apprehensiveness related to specific situations where they are concerned about being embarrassed, humiliated or rejected by other people.
Rejection anxiety can lead to physical symptoms, such as nausea, rapid heartbeat, sweating, dizziness, and fainting spells, leading to blackouts in severe cases. It can also lead to mental symptoms, such as extreme sadness, feelings of hopelessness, loneliness and negative self talk.
What does rejection do to a person?
The old saying goes that the only constant in life is change, which certainly goes for our emotional states. After all, we experience a range of negative emotions every day, from excitement and joy to anger and sadness.
But the most disruptive emotions of all are the painful ones, and none hurt quite like rejection. Whether it comes from someone you love or admire, or even a stranger, rejection stings, and it can leave you feeling empty, bitter, and even depressed.
When faced with rejection from loved ones, an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and helplessness may take over, leading to a deep-seated sense of isolation.
Being rejected or not being liked grows with every passing day, often accompanied by bitterness and a sense that life can be brutal.
Many women report that they become angry towards the rejection. The rejection then becomes a source of stress that can be difficult to handle, and so it makes sense that it creates a very acute sensitivity to it.
How can the fear of rejection affect your life?
There are few fears more potent than that of being rejected by the people we care about. As children, we learn that it hurts when our friends stop playing with us, and it hurts even more, when they tease us, refuse to include us in their activities, or say they don’t want to be our friends anymore. This fear can also manifest in romantic relationships, where the combination of love and sex can make rejection all the scarier. The fear of rejection can have an enormous impact on our daily lives.
A lot of people find it challenging to deal with issues like rejection. But you can’t let your worst fear of being rejected by someone prevent you from doing what you want. Don’t let your fear of rejection stop you from taking risks and trying new things or even prevent you from making new friends, and exploring opportunity for growth.
Fear of rejection leads people to hide their true selves from others, which can hurt their psychology. Another difficulty is that the fear of rejection can lead people to avoid forging relationships and participating in activities that involve other people; ultimately, these lead to social exclusion.
Why is rejection so hard?
As humans, we never get used to being rejected. Therefore, we usually perceive it as hard. Rejection can be perceived as an indication that you are not good enough; this can be hard to swallow. The truth, however, is that rejection is inevitable. No matter how good you are, there is always someone better.
One of the most challenging things to deal with in rejection is when you don’t even know its source and the reason for the rejection. It hurts when you:
- Put your all into something, and it is rejected. It hurts when you put your heart and soul into a relationship, and it doesn’t work out.
- You get passed over for a promotion after giving it your all.
- You have a goal, and you fall short of reaching it.
We’ve all experienced the sting of rejection at some point. Some examples include being cut from the team, being passed over for a promotion, or getting dumped. And while each situation is different, the reality is that the emotional pain we feel when we go through rejection often brings up similar feelings.
Rejection, whether at the job, love, or friendship level, can hurt, but it can also motivate us. For example, we might get turned down from a job we wanted but then go out and start our own business. Or, we might have our heartbroken by someone we love, but then go out and meet new people. It’s natural to feel hurt when we experience rejection, but it’s how we respond to that hurt that matters.
But rejection can also motivate us in daily life. It can make us want to prove someone wrong or challenge ourselves to do better. It can push us to work harder and to be better.
What role does rejection play with social anxiety?
Everyone gets nervous before a date, a presentation, or other social situations that could lead to rejection. However, if you have social anxiety, life can be even more nerve-wracking, as it’s hard to escape the fear that everyone is secretly laughing at you.
For people who suffer from social anxiety, avoiding interpersonal rejection at all costs becomes the primary focus. In other words, social anxiety is a fear of being judged by others.
What role does rejection play with social anxiety? It can be a trigger. The more you worry about your performance in a given situation or in social interaction scenarios, the more pressure you will feel. The more anxiety you feel, the more likely you are to mess up. You seem to respect people’s opinion more than your ability. The whole episode becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Always remember that the most significant relationship we have in our lives is with ourselves. This relationship is very delicate and, in many ways, fragile. This is why it is essential to understand how we are at risk of social anxiety. As human beings, social rejection can have profound effects on our self-esteem.
Even the smallest of incidents can leave us feeling unworthy of connection. Equally, it is necessary to understand how we respond to stress. It is essential to realize that negative thinking related to rejection and stress is the same.
Relationship with self is one side of the coin. Relationship with others is also significant. Experiencing and dealing with relationship anxiety is key to living a stress-managed lifestyle.
What is behind the relationship anxiety?
Relationships are never easy, and they can be challenging when you’re prone to anxiety. If you find yourself feeling anxious all the time, it may seem like you are doomed to a life of misery. However, it is possible to have a happy, healthy relationship with an anxious partner. It may just take a little extra work to help you and your partner through the difficult times.
Dr Eli Finkel, an assistant professor of social psychology at Northwestern University, said that people with extreme relationship anxiety could get caught in “a repeating cycle of rejection.” “They are rejected in one relationship, and they’re so anxious about being rejected in the next relationship that they’re not able to form a close bond,” Finkel said.
How to overcome the fear of rejection
You can learn to manage your fear of rejection and put it in its proper place. First, you need to understand that fear of rejection is a very natural feeling. It’s a survival instinct. Feeling fear in a potentially dangerous situation helps protect you from getting hurt. This instinct is so strong that it can kick in even when there’s no actual danger.
There are many ways that people experiencing fear of rejection can overcome it.
Understand the source of your fear. The first step involves understanding what is causing you to have a fear of rejection. Once you know what causes fear of rejection, you can come up with measures to overcome it.
Accept that your fear of rejection is not unique. You must acknowledge that fear of rejection is widespread. Many people have the same feelings you have. They just don’t speak up. So, instead of avoiding rejection and hiding your true self, you should find ways to make yourself vulnerable to rejection and then practice overcoming it.
Remember, one of the main reasons we fear being rejected is because we want to be liked by everyone all the time. We also tend to be overly concerned with the opinions of other people. And this causes us to assume often that other people will reject us before they do.
People who are comfortable with being rejected tend to have a different mindset than those who are not. People who are not comfortable with rejection believe that rejection is a personal attack on them – they think that if someone rejects them, it’s because of something they did wrong or think it makes them unlovable.
So, if you experience high levels of stress because of your fear, the good news is, there are ways to treat this fear without a person having any type of psychiatric treatment or medication.
Engage with cognitive behaviour therapy or behavior therapy. One key to overcoming this fear is working with someone who has been trained in cognitive behavioral therapy or behavioural therapy that focuses on overcoming this specific type of fear. While this approach is not rejection therapy as such, behavioural therapy aims to create a pattern of social behavior that is more desirable than the fear of rejection. Behavioural therapy is an effective and relatively speedy treatment for fear of rejection
Avoid being defensive and put things in perspective. Instead of going into the defensive and trying to protect ourselves, we need to learn from our experience of rejection. As Charles Darwin said, adapting is the key to survival. Rejection is always a learning opportunity. People are not rejecting you as a person; they are rejecting your idea at that moment. It’s important to learn how to deal with it and not let it affect you emotionally, but instead take the experience and move forward with it.
An antidote to fear is self-love. Fear of rejection can be challenging to live with. Whether you’ve been rejected from college or a job, a relationship or a friendship, it’s hard not to feel hurt and angry. But fear of rejection is often worse because it makes you blind to how others already love you. It keeps you from loving yourself. Focus on appreciating how others love you and appreciate more of who you are. There is significant reassurance from self-love.
Practice acceptance. Acceptance is a potent emotion. Learn to accept yourself, your sadness, and your rejection. If you accept and love yourself, you will find inner peace, and your pain of rejection will fade away. Acceptance will bring you peace and a way to be different, and help you discover your authentic self. You can practice acceptance on your own with support from a therapist.
By learning how to conquer your fear of rejection and turning it into confidence, you can develop healthier mental health and confidently address any future rejection. The worst thing is to give up on conquering this fear.
