When someone suffers a loss, they often go through a grieving process. There are 7 stages of grief. These stages don’t necessarily occur in order, and people may revisit them at different times. Grief is a personal experience, and everyone handles it differently. Some people may not experience all of the stages, or others may experience them more intensely. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
When someone close to us dies, we go through what Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross called the “five stages of grief”: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Her theory has expanded to include two more stages: shock and numbness, guilt and pain. While the stages are not linear or experienced in any specific order, they are a valuable way to understand the grieving process.
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What Does Grief Feel Like?
Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, with physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual dimensions. All of these elements must be managed for healing to take place.
The physical symptoms of grief can be shocking. You may feel like you can’t breathe like you’re being suffocated. Your heart may race or feel like it’s being ripped out of your chest. You may have trouble sleeping or lose your appetite. These physical symptoms are the body’s natural reaction to stress and loss.
Emotional symptoms of grief can be just as intense. You may feel numb, confused, or disconnected from the world around you. You may feel overwhelming sadness, guilt, anger, or anxiety. These emotions are normal and should be expressed rather than suppressed.
Mental symptoms of grief can make it hard to concentrate or remember things. You may have trouble making decisions or solving problems. Your thoughts may be preoccupied with your loss. These mental symptoms are also the body’s natural reaction to stress and loss.
Spiritual symptoms of grief can leave you feeling lost, empty, or searching for meaning in life. You may question your faith or believe that you are being punished. You may feel angry at God or the universe. These spiritual symptoms are normal and should be explored rather than ignored.
The 7 Stages of Grief
- Shock and Numbness: The first stage of grief is shock and numbness. This is a period of disbelief and denial. You may feel like you’re in a daze or dream. You may be unable to process what has happened. This stage is a defense mechanism that helps you cope with the loss.
- Denial: The second stage of grief is denial. This is when you try to convince yourself that the loss didn’t happen or that it wasn’t as bad as it seems. You may try to busy yourself to avoid thinking about the loss. This stage can help you cope with the pain, but it’s important to face the reality of the loss eventually.
- Anger: The third stage of grief is anger. This is when you may lash out at the world or those around you. You may feel like it’s not fair and that you’ve been wronged. This stage is normal and necessary, but finding healthy ways to express your anger is essential.
- Guilt and Pain: The fourth stage of grief is guilt and pain. This is when you realize the finality of the loss and start to feel the pain of your suffering. You may feel guilty for things you did or didn’t do.
- Depression: The fifth stage of grief is depression. This is when you may start to withdraw from the world and lose interest in things you used to enjoy. You may feel hopeless and have difficulty functioning.
- Bargaining: The sixth stage of grief is bargaining. This is when you may try to make deals with God or the universe to change the outcome. You may also find yourself reliving the events leading up to the loss. You may say, “If only I had done X, then Y would have happened.” This stage can be helpful in that it allows you to process what could have been different. This stage is normal and can help accept the loss, but it’s important not to get stuck in this stage.
- Acceptance: The seventh and final stage of grief is acceptance. This is when you come to terms with the loss and begin to move on with your life. You may still feel sad or have occasional bouts of grief, but you can function and find joy in other aspects of your life. This stage is necessary for healing to take place.
The seven stages of grief are a helpful framework for understanding the grieving process. However, it’s important to remember that everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up and express them in whatever way feels comfortable. Seek support from family and friends or a professional if needed. Grieving is a process that takes time, but eventually, you will heal.
The 7 Stages of Grief FAQs
What is the pain?
Different types of pain may be caused by grief. The body’s reaction to stress can cause physical pain. This may manifest as headaches, stomachaches, or muscle tension. The mental pain can be caused by the sadness and confusion that come with loss. This may manifest as anxiety, insomnia, or difficulty concentrating. Spiritual pain can be caused by feelings of disconnectedness or searching for meaning. This may manifest as questioning your faith or feeling lost.
Why do you need stage models?
Stage models can be helpful in understanding grief because they provide a framework for the emotions and experiences common in grief. They can also help normalize the grieving process. It’s important to remember that everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
What are the benefits of seeking professional help?
If you struggle to cope with your grief, seeking professional help can be beneficial. A therapist can provide support and guidance as you navigate the grieving process. Therapy can also help you develop healthy coping mechanisms and resolve any unresolved issues contributing to your grief.
What is depression?
Depression is a common symptom of grief. It may manifest as feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or apathy. Depression can interfere with your ability to function in daily life. If you are struggling with depression, it’s vital to seek professional help.
What are some healthy ways to express emotions?
There are many healthy ways to express emotions. Some examples include journaling, talking to a friend or family member, or participating in a support group. Healthily expressing emotions can help you cope with them and prevent them from becoming overwhelming.
What are some unhealthy ways to express emotions?
There are many unhealthy ways to express emotions. Some examples include self-destructive behaviors, such as substance abuse or numbing yourself with activities like work or binge-watching TV. Unhealthy ways of expressing feelings can lead to further emotional distress and should be avoided.
If you’re struggling to cope with your grief, seeking professional help can be beneficial. A therapist can provide support and guidance as you navigate the grieving process.
What is the difference between shock and disbelief?
Shock is a physical reaction to trauma or stress. It may manifest as numbness, confusion, or feeling disconnected from reality. Disbelief is a cognitive response to difficult news to believe or accept. It may manifest as denial or questioning what has happened.
What are some signs that someone is struggling to cope with grief?
Some signs that someone is struggling to cope with grief include withdrawal from social activities, difficulty performing daily tasks, changes in sleeping or eating habits, or engaging in risky behaviors. If you notice any of these signs in yourself or someone you know, it’s vital to seek professional help.
What are some things you can do to support someone who is grieving?
Some things you can do to support someone who is grieving include being available to listen, offering help with practical tasks, and respecting their privacy. It’s also essential to avoid giving unsolicited advice or telling them how they should feel.
The grieving process is different for everyone. Some people may experience all grief stages, while others may only experience a few. It’s essential to allow yourself to grieve in whatever way is most natural for you. Seeking professional help can be beneficial if you struggle to cope with your grief.
What are some common misconceptions about grief?
One of the most common misconceptions about grief is that there are stages that must be gone through in order and that once you reach the final stage, you will be healed. Grief does not work like this. The stages are more like a guideline of what you may experience during this difficult time. There is no timeline for grieving, and there is no right or wrong way to do it.
Another common misconception about grief is that it should be ignored or suppressed. This can make the grieving process more difficult. It’s essential to allow yourself to feel your emotions and healthily express them.
Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s a process that is unique to each individual and can be painful and difficult. However, with the support of loved ones and professional help, it is possible to cope with grief healthily.
Resources
If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, many resources are available to help. Here are a few organizations that may be able to help:
- -Grief Encounter: https://griefencounter.org.uk/
- -Cruse Bereavement Care: https://www.cruse.org.uk/
- -The Compassionate Friends: https://www.tcf.org.uk/
- -National Alliance on Mental Illness: https://www.nami.org/Home
- -The Dougy Center: https://www.dougy.org/
- -Grief Support Services: http://griefsupportservices.com/
These are just a few of the organizations that offer support to those grieving. There are many more available, both in the US and internationally. If you need help, please get in touch with one of these organizations or your local mental health provider.
